REVIEW: The Cursed Crusade (X360)

7 Nov, 2011

Title: The Cursed Crusade
Platform: X360 / PlayStation 3 / PC
Developer: Kylotonn Entertainment
Publisher: Atlus
TL;DR: Hack, slash, bad animation, bad voice acting, wash rinse repeat
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The Crusades of the 12th century seem to be a pretty hot commodity on the gaming plot market these days, and Kylotonn’s latest offering is no exception at all. Avid gamers willing to give this action title a spin will definitely have a little fun comparing the portrayals of notable names between this game and Assassin’s Creed.

Let’s not kid ourselves here. While this game sets itself up for success, it definitely doesn’t have the follow through for it. As I popped open the game and started playing, it was glaringly obvious that this game took a lot of cues from Ubisoft’s version of the Crusades. I don’t mean that there’s an assassin leaping from rooftops — in fact, this game is about as far from Assassin’s Creed‘s pedigree as green grass is from a desert.

The Cursed Crusade is a decent starting point for a new IP, but ultimately, if Kylotonn has any plans to make a follow-up, it better start paying better attention to the little details of the game. The physics were off. The animations were terrible. I’ll spare you the details of how boring the campaign was for the most part as well.

It certainly doesn’t end there, and the laundry list for things that I wish had happened are quite long, but there’s always a beginning to the story. In this case, the piecemeal plot follows the exploits of two mercenaries. One is named Denz de Bayle, the son of a crusader who never came home from the Third Crusade. The other’s name is Esteban Noviembre. To this day, I still don’t know how they met, other than a coy explanation of, “They both suffer from the same curse that runs in families that have done terrible deeds (shouldn’t that be everyone then?). Oh, and they’re both mercenaries from different corners of the continent.” The two mercenaries meet key characters from history along the way, and somehow everyone seems to have this Curse upon them, in which everything becomes flaming and ruined around them. Some pretty large horns grow on their heads too, and your character starts looking like a wall ornament from the 1800s Wild West.

This is where all the problems begin in Kylotonn’s medieval brawler. The story, while interesting in its skeletal parts, lack any real substance or meat to it. There’s these two guys seeking to end this curse that they have — and it’s a curse that Kylotonn didn’t seem to bother explaining other than, “It’s a cool mechanic. Let’s do it!” While de Bayle’s story is quite fleshed out (he has a family, his uncle screwed up somewhere, he’s looking for his Dad), his Spanish counterpart lacks any background, making it hard to like him as anything more than a plot side-vehicle who makes jokes about his manhood and drinking. Side characters seem to be there only to move things forward, popping in and popping out like Whack-a-Mole carnival games (Mustachio called from Georgia and wants his mallet back, by the way).

It’s hard to like anybody as well, since the voice acting is so bad. While I’ve heard worse, this is pretty down in the dumps. It doesn’t help that the script writer seemed to have given up after only the second chapter of the story. Cute little medieval jokes like having arrows being rained on you “like a pissing cow” and waterfalls of manly relief can only get you so far. After a while, you want to turn off the voice effects.

The Cursed Crusade also claims to feature co-op play, with one player controlling de Bayle, and the other controlling Noviembre. The problem is that the screen becomes so filled with enemies that you’re better off with having an otherwise-immortal NPC sidekick than a friend playing with you, as players will easily be overwhelmed by the number of combatants on the field at one time. Death of either character results in an immediate failure and replay of the mission.

For the most part, the game could be dusted off as not very memorable. I had to give Kylotonn a little credit for trying to do fun things with combat though. De Bayle’s execution moves were obviously ripped straight from Altair and Ezio’s Book of Win, and it was painful to watch some of the animations, but the gurgling sounds and splashes of blood were pretty brutal. It certainly made Assassin’s Creed look a little tame sometimes. The use of the “Curse” was also very reminiscent of Dante’s Devil Trigger from Devil May Cry, but the added danger is that extended use leads to drained health and eventual death. Using it wisely is your lesson here.

I have to admit that I had the most fun in this game going around and, surprise surprise, killing enemies. It seemed to be the only fun activity to be found in this otherwise boring game. Swinging giant swords around in combos to end in gurgling enemies, spurts of blood, and ragdoll bodies will hold your attention to a degree, if that’s your thing. It certainly is not good enough to be a redeeming quality.

If you seriously want to waste a little time on a medieval brawler from a little known studio, then by all means, be my guest. However, if you’re wanting a more fulfilling experience, then give this game a definite miss. With a literally non-existent musical score, terrible voice acting, an equally terrible plot line, and a lack of love in the graphical department, this game should’ve been confined to the rack. Or excommunication. Or something like that.

The Good

You might have some fun executing strings of soldiers at a time.

If you like your character running around with horns on his head, you’ll like having the curse activated at all times.

The Bad

Voice acting and story needs a lot of work.

We won’t even discuss how bad the physics engine and the graphics were on this one.

Plot holes will drive you crazy.

The Cursed Crusade is currently available for the Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, and PC.

Family Focus
ESRB gave this an M and PEGI gave it an 18. There’s copious amounts of blood somewhere in that bad animation, but it’s still not recommended for the kidlets.